


broken strings

by donsdoie, jjaedoyu



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drunken Confessions, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, POV Alternating, idiots to lovers, them being dramatic, theyre drunk and in love and just stupid in general
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 15:10:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20566415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donsdoie/pseuds/donsdoie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjaedoyu/pseuds/jjaedoyu
Summary: There is only so much pain and heartbreak a person can handle. As Doyoung reaches his limit, he is forced to face the root of it all: Jung Jaehyun.





	broken strings

**Author's Note:**

> so this is jean and i's brainchild. one night, i came running to her (like we always do whenever we are hit by a prompt that is just perfect for dons and jae's dynamics) after seeing a post on 127's alcohol tolerance, about how jae and doie are two of the few who can actually hold their alcohol.
> 
> it's supposed to be just a lil bit of angst and lots of fluff but we somehow ended up with... this.
> 
> we wrote this on twt dms first, then moved to tele, hoping to at least turn it into a twt fic. but ultimately decided to post it as a full one when we brought in the big guns: google docs.
> 
> okay, enough rambling.
> 
> enjoy some drunk jaedo (or dojae, wtvr floats ur boat) ♡

It is 3 in the morning and Taeyong is done with his best friend of 16 years' bullshit.

He barges in said bestfriend's room and declares, "Kim Doyoung, if you don't turn the fucking [music](https://open.spotify.com/track/1fkYmLPG2Oi2AkUmcspWKl?si=I9bAdoWqQyG6jMU3OqGvNA) down and get a grip on yourself or get that closure, whichever you can get around to doing first, I'm going to drown you in acid then burn you to the ground."

Doyoung grunts as he hides his face behind his blanket, "Go away, Yong. Leave me and my self-loathing alone."

Much to Doyoung’s luck, Taeyong doesn't leave. In fact, he makes his way to Doyoung's bed and pulls back his blanket, revealing the younger and his puffy, red eyes, "Aren't you tired of crying? You've been at this for so long, Dons. I think it’s time to stop your pining over Jaehyun."

Ah, yes. Jung Jaehyun, the reason for years of tears and Doyoung's perpetual state of heartbreak. The guy he has been pining over for so many years, he doesn’t even bother counting anymore. It started as a crush during middle school which he thought he’ll get over eventually, but luck really is never on his side because they became closer in high school and even attended the same university in college. Heck, they’re now working in the same company. And every year, Doyoung just keeps finding more reasons to fall for the guy.

So maybe he has crossed the line between crush and something worse a long time ago.

Doyoung goes to grab the blanket back from the unwelcome guest and his unwanted advice, "It's not that easy, Taeyong. You know how much I hate talking about feelings," he blanches and shudders in an exaggerated manner to prove his point.

But again, Taeyong is absolutely done. He paces the messy room and mulls over his words. He wants to get through to Doyoung’s head, make him understand. Mostly, he just wants the other to stop blasting sad music at a god-forsaken hour every time something even slightly inconvenient happens.

"Oh, so what are you gonna do? Bury yourself in your blankets and not leave your room when you think Jae meets someone better than you!? Grow up, Kim Doyoung! We don't even know if Jaehyun likes the guy we saw him with. You can't just be sad forever!"

_ It was yesterday night. He and Taeyong were out for a few drinks _ _ because Doyoung was once again whining about how bored he was and how unfair the whole world was to him, and being the best bestfriend that he was, Taeyong took him out to their regular bar. In the middle of Taeyong recounting his successful date the weekend prior, he noticed Doyoung’s attention was somewhere else. _

_ “Wow, thanks for listening? Hello, Doyoung?” Taeyong waved a hand in front of Doyoung’s face. _

_ “He’s here,” the boy replied in a small voice, one he only used whenever he talks about- _

_ Of course. Taeyong should have known the moment Doyoung lost his focus. He took one quick look at Jaehyun who was out on what appeared to be a date and Taeyong was immediately ushering a dazed Doyoung out the establishment, flagging down a cab to take them home. _

_ Stupid, stupid Jung Jaehyun. _

That seems to get the job done because suddenly, a furious Doyoung is in front of Taeyong's face, gritting out, "Then what do you want me to do, Yong? Invite him over for a drink? Get drunk enough and fucked up enough to talk about whatever it is that we have-" he rushes to correct himself, "-had. What we had."

"Well if you think that'll fix the problem then why the fuck not?" at this point, Taeyong is raising his voice, too. He sighs, sitting down at the edge of Doyoung's bed and urges the latter to sit with him.

"I'm your best friend, Doyoung. And as your best friend, it's not easy to see you suffer like this. You know I'd do anything for you right? But you gotta do this one on your own. I'll wait for you with ice cream and stupid romcom movies once you get this done. I promise."

—

And so with that in mind, with the promise of comfort made readily available should The Talk end badly, Doyoung marches up to Jaehyun the next day after their shift and without preamble, he finds himself blurting out, "I heard you talking shit behind my back and calling me a lightweight." Even though he didn't, really.

He has been contemplating on how to approach this ever since his talk with Taeyong - tossing and turning in his bed until sunrise - and what would be more efficient than alcohol, right? But of course he’s not going to let Jaehyun know that.

Jaehyun looks at him, confused, "What are you talking about, Dons?"

He deflects the question with, "You know what, why not settle this once and for all. Tonight. My apartment. Let's see who's the real lightweight here."

"...O-okay?" Once Doyoung hears Jaehyun's reply, he leaves immediately, needing the conversation to be as short as he can make it, else he do something stupid like break down.

—

Jaehyun looks at Doyoung’s retreating form and sighs. He’s known Doyoung for over a decade now and still has no clue what goes on inside the older boy's head. He is still sighing when he enters his shared office to gather his things, done for the day. Jaehyun only stops when someone clears their throat from the other side of the room. Not bothering to look up, Jaehyun grunts, “What.”

“Stop sighing, you’re ruining my juju,” the person grunts back in a mocking tone.

Another voice snickers from that side of hell, “Yeah, Jae. Shouldn’t you be praising and thanking Mark and I for setting you up with the best person ever, giving you the best night of your life? You should most definitely _ not _be sighing right now." Donghyuck, the office gossip, and Mark his sidekick. Jaehyun should have known better than to come back here to retrieve his belongings. Going home without his bag seems like a better option than being interrogated by these two.

“What the hell is a juju,” he tries to humor them.

Donghyuck, ever the one for theatrics, crosses the room in 5 short strides and slams his hands on Jaehyun's desk, "You aren't getting out of this."

Jaehyun's had enough, "Nothing happened! Jungwoo was great company and he's a nice person but I told you guys numerous times, I'm not looking for anything right now. For the love of God, get off my back!"

"Woah, bro, is everything okay?" Mark looks genuinely concerned.

"Sorry. It's just..." Jaehyun trails off, massaging his temples.

"Is it that Kim Doyoung from HR again?"

"It's always about Kim Doyoung from HR, isn't it, Jae?"

Jaehyun walks out without saying goodbye. Why did he bother taking on this job anyway.

_'Because Kim Doyoung - from middle school, high school, university, and now from HR - works here, that's why,'_ the voice inside his head supplies.

He just really wants to get home, change into something comfortable, overthink and steel himself for what's to come.

—

Jaehyun isn't quite sure what he agreed to but since it is Doyoung who approached him first, he'll take what he can get. That night, he finds himself standing in front of a very familiar doorway. Putting up a front, like he usually does before facing Doyoung, he rings the doorbell.

He's greeted by Doyoung wearing a purple sweater that is a few sizes too big for him, making him look smaller than he actually is. He looks uneasy, right hand holding the door as he avoids Jaehyun's eyes. 

Jaehyun enters the apartment and settles on the couch in Doyoung and Taeyong's living room. He notices that Taeyong isn't around tonight. 

"So, how are we gonna do this?" He clasps his hands as he looks at Doyoung.

"I have about 7 bottles of soju here. We take turns drinking. Whoever gives up first, loses. Simple as that," Doyoung states, as if he had it memorized or rehearsed prior to their meeting. Which, knowing Doyoung, he probably did, Jaehyun surmises.

But because nothing is ever really simple when it comes to the two of them,

"What do I get in return? What do I get out of all of this?"

"You'll get bragging rights if you win. But don't hope too much on it, Jung," Doyoung counters as he opens the first bottle and pours the content in two cups. He puts one in front of Jaehyun and brings the other towards himself. He was about to drink when Jaehyun grabs his wrist to a stop.

"This is too boring, Doie. Let's give it a twist," Jaehyun smiles, dimples out and all. Doyoung puts his cup down to rest on his knees and waits for Jaehyun to continue. 

"One drink, we reveal one secret."

**[Round 1]**

They agreed that considering just one shot as one round is not exciting enough so they settle on consuming one full bottle first before dropping a secret. A bottle down and they both find themselves staring at each other; one determined, the other a tad bit befuddled.

It is Doyoung who opens his mouth (his heart) first, "I had a crush on you sophomore year of high school."

Jaehyun smiles. He grabs his cup and drinks another shot in one go, "I had a crush on you, too. Freshman year." 

Doyoung laughs bitterly._ 'First, missed chance, I guess?' _he thinks to himself.

It is like an unsaid agreement; tonight is when they will finally address any left-over and suppressed feelings they were both still harboring. Tonight, they are going to talk about them.

The room starts to feel too still, too stuffy. Doyoung stands up to grab his phone from the coffee table in front of them which he then connects to the Bluetooth speaker that might be his or could be Taeyong's. Who knows.

He presses [play](https://open.spotify.com/user/jeaselalucyn/playlist/2KIutIretUudyUVZMBkKP1?si=eh4FgglzTb-Lv44LUNeYXw).

**[Round 2]**

It took a while, but Jaehyun finally catches up to what's happening. Doyoung didn't have to say it directly as the tension fills the air. He sees Doyoung drink his next shot.

"Same year, someone asked me to give you a love letter but I lost it," Doyoung starts fiddling with the now empty cup, fingers circling the glass’ rim.

That riles Jaehyun up to a point where he can feel his ears burning, neck reddening, and it’s not because of the alcohol, "No, you didn't lose it."

Doyoung startles at that. So Jaehyun knew all along. Huh. He decides now is a good time to be even more honest and confess an extra secret within the secret, "You're right, I didn't lose it. I threw it away on purpose."

"I received the letter," Jaehyun quietly adds. Doyoung looks at him, seeking for an explanation. 

Jaehyun drinks another shot and continues, "She gave me a new one. She was wondering if I received the one she gave you because I didn't reply."

Doyoung feels his cheeks burn. Partly from the alcohol but more because he is embarrassed. But it made him wonder why Jaehyun didn't confront him that time.

As if reading his mile-a-minute thoughts, Jaehyun mumbles, "I didn't ask you about it because I didn't care. I told you, I liked you back then."

The_ 'back then' _ is too off-putting for Doyoung. He wants to get rid of it. Instead, he just scoffs and uncaps the third bottle of soju.

**[Round 3]**

"I'll go first," Jaehyun says as he grabs his shot right after Doyoung refills his glass. He's getting braver, he thinks. The alcohol is probably starting to kick in, "I wanted to ask you to spring formal but I chickened out last minute." 

Doyoung laughs. It's funny because Jaehyun probably had a clue he already liked him then because of the letter incident and yet the younger boy still backed out. Or maybe Jaehyun thought Doyoung liked the girl? He doesn't bother asking. He drinks his shot thinking how it's another missed chance for them.

With the sudden urge to hurt Jaehyun for being so inconsistent, for being so unclear, he retaliates, "I knew you wanted to ask me to spring formal and chickened out last minute. That's why I asked Johnny out."

And because he couldn't help himself,

"I don't want cowards, Jae."

He did know. Jaehyun wasn't really subtle about it and Taeyong verbally confirmed it one night when they were talking, slipping from his best friend's mouth. Doyoung doesn’t even know how the topic got there that time.

But back then he thought Jaehyun wanted to ask him only for the sake of going with someone. They were, after all, close friends in high school. However, Doyoung remembers thinking that he did not want to feel so taken for granted, like Jaehyun chose him out of convenience. Not then, not now, not ever.

Were they still following the rules of the game? They haven't even gone through the whole bottle and they're already spilling secrets left and right.

The [music](https://open.spotify.com/track/4BodkdQk2Ouo6BFbLqoWtG?si=UfSbSnEkS-iIsgZL6ClIIQ) playing from Doyoung's phone shifts to something so achingly familiar that it jolts them both awake, suddenly hyper-aware of their surroundings.

"You still listen to that?" Jaehyun teases.

"Shut up, that's on shuffle," Doyoung mutters an excuse, trying to save face.

Jaehyun giggles, causing Doyoung to let out an annoyed huff. Jaehyun looks at him then, really looks at him then, mischievous glint in the eye turning softer,

"I still listen to it, too. Because it reminds me of the first and only time I got to dance with you."

**[Round 4]**

Doyoung coughs, hiding his embarrassment. He pours another shot to Jaehyun's cup.

"It's your turn," he says. Both of them notices how Doyoung doesn’t bother changing the song, but none of them say anything.

"I hated Johnny that time. I was a kid and I was really petty, but he knew I liked you already. He said I didn't have the right to be mad because I didn't even act on my feelings for you. We ended up not talking for a month."

Doyoung doesn't know what is going to happen after tonight. It seems like his initial goal to just get closure is not the only thing he's going to achieve. He can feel the alcohol running wild in his veins.

He looks at Jaehyun, who is also slightly flushed at this point, and whispers, "I was waiting for you-" Doyoung pauses. Is there a limit as to how honest you can go? He decides that he doesn't care, "- to make your move and take me away from him. But you didn't."

Not his proudest moment. Stringing Johnny along like that was a really dick move.

"Will you believe me if I say I wanted to?"

Back then, Doyoung probably wouldn't have. Not when he saw with his own eyes Jaehyun having fun with his own circle of friends, not even bothering to spare Doyoung a glance. Or so he thought.

Now, though? After all these secrets were revealed, is it wrong for him to hope for something?

It’s as if Jaehyun is reading his mind for the second time tonight when the younger says, "I wanted to go to you but I didn't think it would have gone well. So I did what I do best, I stayed away and tried having fun with Ten and Winwin. I tried getting the thought of you with Johnny out of my mind, even just for that night."

Doyoung feels his heart sink to his stomach. He thought Taeyong was just bluffing when he said something happened between Jaehyun, Sicheng and Ten all those years ago. Tears are prickling the back of his eyes at the revelation that something did happen. Why is he so affected by this?

"Oh," Doyoung chugs straight from the half full bottle and does not stop until it's empty.

Jaehyun felt like something shifted in the last few seconds. He could not pinpoint it directly and he is just so, so tired of assuming things so he asks, "What's wrong? Did I say something wrong?"

Doyoung is not drunk, not even buzzed yet. So he has no excuse for spitting out the next few words aside from spite and _ jealousy,_ "I don't know, Jaehyun. I just remembered you saying you were not going to do it with anyone you don't have feelings for."

Jaehyun is at a loss. What is Doyoung on about? He sees the pained expression in Doyoung's eyes which confuses him further. Isn't he supposed to be the one hurting from that night?

"Doesn't matter. It's all in the past now. In fact, I don't really get to have a say whether it happened in spring formal or today," Doyoung waves him off and that's when Jaehyun realizes.

"Doyoung, I don't think you understood me clearly. Nothing happened _ happened_. I was talking about us dancing and drinking all night. They were trying to distract me from the pain. They were with me the whole time, trying to cheer me up."

Doyoung doesn't know if he should feel relieved or embarrassed. He merely exhales another, "Oh."

"'Oh' is right. Doyoung, I still don't fuck someone I don't have feelings for."

The older blushes at that. Jaehyun thinks he's the prettiest like this.

"Whatever. Open the next bottle," Doyoung smiles despite feeling flushed and flustered.

**[Round 5]**

By the fifth bottle mark, Jaehyun knows the alcohol has slowly taken over his mind. He feels like this is the only time he'll ever get this brave so he pushes his luck and reveals one of the things he thought he was going to bury with him to the grave, "The moment Johnny and I were cool again, I tried introducing him to other people so he would stay away from you. He finally did when he met Taeil."

The silence that follows is deafening and Jaehyun cannot read Doyoung's expression so he does what he thinks is best to do, "I'm sorry. I ruined something that could've been between you two."

When Doyoung hears those words escape Jaehyun's mouth, he is expecting to feel angry. But why isn't he angry? All he feels is a sense of defeat so draining, it makes him want to close his eyes and sleep the next 6 months away. But Doyoung guesses that things worked out in the end anyway. He and Johnny became friends after the break up, not even an ounce of hard feelings between them. Perhaps Doyoung knew it was bound to happen, he just didn’t know when. In fact, he was more than happy for Johnny when the boy introduced Taeil to them. He saw how happy he was. At least one of them was, he remembers thinking that day.

"It's fine. You saved Johnny from a toxic relationship. You gave him a happy ending, Jaehyunnie," the nickname slips from Doyoung's mouth like second-nature.

It is as satisfying for him to say it as it is for Jaehyun to hear it again, after so many years.

Jaehyun looks at him with child-like wonder, "Jaehyunnie?" the younger queries.

Doyoung shies away from the other's gaze, wanting to change the topic quickly before he gets teased further so he rushes out a, "2014 was by far the worst year for me. And it wasn't because Johnny and I broke up. It's because you got together with Yuta."

Right.

That same year, Jaehyun met Yuta. He was in shambles back then. The guilt from what he did to Johnny and Doyoung lingered in his mind every night. He saw how happy Johnny was, but what about Doyoung? He didn't realize the depth of what he did until the damage had been done. And because of that, he felt unworthy.

Unworthy to even try and be brave enough to confess to Doyoung after all the sabotaging he did.

He did check up on Doyoung, they are friends first and foremost. He was slightly relieved when he saw that Doyoung was okay. That he and Johnny are still friends. But still, the guilt remained and stuck to him. When Yuta came into the picture, Jaehyun was happy. They became close friends almost instantly. So when Yuta told him he liked him, Jaehyun thought about it carefully.

In the end, he decided to give them a chance.

**[Round 6]**

"You were the reason why Yuta and I broke up. He said I still wasn't over some stupid crush," Jaehyun laughs bitterly. He clearly remembers their breakup. He remembers how Yuta was so calm despite the circumstances. He is that kind of man; always looking at things maturely, always understanding everyone.

It hurt Jaehyun but he still agreed. He didn't want to force Yuta if he felt that way. But looking back on it now, Jaehyun thinks he was hurting more because he was scared. Scared to face the fact that he was still not over Doyoung.

"...I wasn't," Doyoung's voice interrupts his thoughts, "I wasn't over you back then. Even when you and Yuta broke up."

Jaehyun looks at him dumbly. If he knew that back then, would he have done something about it? Would he do something about it, knowing this now?

The strong urge to hug and kiss Doyoung after hearing him say that shakes Jaehyun to the core. The fact that he wants to do that, that he still wants to do that, is what stops him in his tracks.

**[Round 7]**

Jaehyun stares off into space. In between sharing secrets, talking about mundane things, overtly-familiar bickering, and lots and lots of drinking, he is also trying to put everything into perspective. Trying to make sense of it all. They were too fucking toxic even before anything really began. He likes Doyoung (loves, even) but now that he's older and is hopefully making better choices, he knows that jumping headfirst into whatever it is brewing between them again will only end in heartbreak.

"Jaehyunnie?" Doyoung breaks him out of his trance, handing him another shot. They are now on the last bottle.

Jaehyun knows what he has to say. And for once throughout the night, he doesn't blame what he’s about to do on the alcohol.

He drinks what he thinks is his final shot and stares straight into Doyoung's eyes,

"I'm still in love with you."

There is silence. It isn't awkward, but it is heavy. They are finally facing the sole reason for why the evening even had to happen.

He doesn't wait for Doyoung to reply and continues,

"I still love you but we're just hurting each other."

By the time he finishes his sentence, his throat constricts. He doesn't notice how hard he's trying to hold back his tears.

Doyoung knows what Jaehyun said is true. That doesn't make it hurt any less. He tosses his final shot in as well before answering, "I know."

And then,

"I'm still in love with you too. But you're right. This-" he points between the two of them, "- is not right."

_ ‘Not yet,’ _ the universe screams at them as an afterthought.

At this, Jaehyun doesn't even bother stopping his tears. He lets it flow, lets it all out much like the way their feelings were revealed tonight. He is reduced to a crying mess but when he looks at Doyoung, he realizes he isn't the only one. Doyoung is crying quietly, too, still trying to suppress some of it but is failing miserably. Jaehyun comes closer and hugs him tight. And that's when he feels Doyoung's dam break. They hold each other like that for a long time, whispering soft _'I'm sorry'_s and '_we'll be okay_'s in each other's ears.

Just like that, the stars finally align and the heavens smile down upon them.

Closure was what Doyoung intended to attain when he invited Jaehyun over and closure is what they both got. Years of yearning and resentment evaporating into thin air. Hearts learning to forgive each other and then themselves.

They will be okay.

When there are no more tears left to cry, for now at least, they break off the hug to sit back again on Doyoung's couch in peaceful silence.

—

Much later, after the tears turn to laughter over the absurdity of their situation, they start cleaning up after themselves, feeling lighter than when the evening started. Almost as light as the day they met.

No, they did not get to decide who can hold their alcohol better that night.

What they gained is so much more.

Doyoung grabs his phone that is still playing music from his playlist, he moves to pause it when his hazy eyes zeroes in on the song playing earlier that evening. [Their song](https://open.spotify.com/track/4BodkdQk2Ouo6BFbLqoWtG?si=UfSbSnEkS-iIsgZL6ClIIQ). He clicks on it.

Jaehyun laughs from the other side of the couch. "Again?"

Doyoung shrugs. "It's a good song."

Jaehyun is probably going to blame the alcohol one last time if someone asks him later why he said what he says next,

"Dance with me? For old time's sake."

And Doyoung is probably going to blame the alcohol too if someone (Taeyong) asks him why he replied with,

"Sure."

The whole song feels a little too short for the both of them. It ended too fast. They didn't want to let this little comfort go just yet. They don't want to but they need to. And so they do. 

They look at each other in the eyes, smiles so painfully wide, trying to reassure one another that it's the right thing to do.

—

After that, Jaehyun leaves.

He leaves quietly, without so much as a glance at Doyoung because they both know it won't be easy for them. They know that even one look might change all their decisions tonight. So he goes straight outside Doyoung and Taeyong's apartment without looking back.

Doyoung slumps onto the floor, leaning on the now closed door. His tears are on the verge of spilling again.

He grabs his phone and opens his messages with his best friend.

_ 'You better be here with ice cream and movies in 15 minutes. I'll be waiting.' _

He sighs and closes his eyes as he allows the tears to flow. They did what's best for them, Doyoung acknowledges that. It isn't the right time and maybe it never will be. But that's for future Doyoung to think about. All he wants to do now is to heal. To heal from the love that felt more like a burden to carry for so many years.

Because aside from learning to forgive and learning to let go, he also learned something else from his talk with Jaehyun.

Love is timing. Love is choosing the person, time and time again. Love is prioritizing the other's best interest at heart. Love is finding happiness within yourself first before sharing that happiness with someone else.

What younger Doyoung and Jaehyun did was the exact opposite. They loved with overflowing feeling. Loved to the point that it clouded their judgment. They loved too selfishly.

They loved too much but showed too little.

》》》

The next two years is a montage of good things for both Jaehyun and Doyoung.

Doyoung quit his job at the company he worked at with Jaehyun to pursue his true passion: music. It wasn't an easy journey but Doyoung knew that already. He started small; covers on YouTube and other social media sites, and open mics around town. Two years later and he's now a nationwide famous artist, thanks to three of his videos going viral. He keeps his days busy by writing his own music on relatable themes like free-falling into the unknown, loving yourself, right timings and then sharing that music to everyone who will listen.

Jaehyun, on the other hand, found self-love in the form of travelling. Having worked diligently after graduating from college, he had managed to save up enough to go on a backpacking trip across continents. Jaehyun also quit his job and journeyed the unknown. He enjoyed the thrill of it; learning new cultures and meeting people from different backgrounds, fleeting but memorable nonetheless. At the end of those two years though, Jaehyun knows that nothing will ever beat the joy of being surrounded by the people he loves.

—

Doyoung just finished the last leg of his tour. He picked his hometown as the last stop because he wants for it to be the most memorable. He is quite the sentimental one, when you get right down to it. But more than that, he wants to take a break afterwards, to spend more time with his friends and family.

He is on his way to the dressing room when he sees a man standing in the hallway, right outside his door. Doyoung examines him carefully, memorizing every detail of his silhouette. The man is wearing a plain white shirt and a brown cardigan that matches the color of his hair. He has eyeglasses on, Doyoung knows he’s always had poor eyesight but he usually prefers wearing contacts. He smiles as he remembers the time he told the man how good he looked with glasses. His eyes were looking directly looking at the floor, like it’s the most interesting thing in the world.

Doyoung continues to walk towards him and as if on cue, he looks up when Doyoung is only a few inches away. The man smiles and raises both hands; one holding a bouquet of flowers, the other wrapped around a bottle of soju.

“Congratulations on finishing your tour, Doyoungie,” Jaehyun says as he hands him the flowers.

“Thanks, Jaehyun. I didn’t know you were coming,” he smiles, receiving the bouquet from the younger.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Jaehyun states simply. Because even when he was travelling the world, he kept himself updated on Doyoung. He knew when the older started a YouTube channel, when he got casted by an amazing company, and even every release he had throughout those years.

Same goes for Doyoung. It wasn’t as easy as how Jaehyun had it since Doyoung became extremely popular, but he made a way. He would subtly ask about the younger through Taeyong and Johnny, not wanting to talk to him directly, just wanting to know if he was doing okay.

It felt enough for the both of them. Until it didn’t anymore. At least for Jaehyun.

“And besides, we still haven’t determined who has the better alcohol tolerance between us,” Jaehyun says, raising the bottle of soju in his hand once more.

Doyoung laughs at that, head thrown back in delight, smile consuming almost half of his beautiful face, “Then what are we waiting for? Let’s go.”

—

They go back to Doyoung’s place. It isn’t the same apartment anymore, this one is much bigger than the previous but a whole lot emptier, probably because Doyoung isn’t around most days. There’s also the very big gaping hole that Taeyong used to fill. Taeyong who moved in with his boyfriend of almost two years. Doyoung’s just happy Taeyong has settled down with one person.

Jaehyun sits on the highchair in front of Doyoung’s bar counter. He watches as the older makes his way to the kitchen drawers, searching for cups to use.

“Sorry, I still don’t know where most of the stuff are. I rarely go home to this place,” Doyoung says as he opens another drawer.

“Ah, found them!” He exclaims after a couple of minutes of rummaging. The celebratory dance or ritual or whatever it is that Doyoung does after melts Jaehyun’s heart. Doyoung walks to the living room, settling down on the couch with Jaehyun trailing behind him.

Déjà vu.

And when Jaehyun opens his mouth to ask, “So, how are we going to do this?” with a playful grin, Doyoung thinks that they are truly, finally okay.

“One round, one secret?” Doyoung suggests even though he already knows the answer. He uncaps the bottle of soju Jaehyun brought with him and pours them both generous servings. He hands one to Jaehyun, hands brushing, feather-light, hearts skipping a beat in synchronization.

They breeze through the first four bottles, secrets sounding more like catching up. Doyoung tells Jaehyun about the studio (his real home), his mentors and the entertainment industry snobs, his inspirations and his favorite stages to perform in. Jaehyun shares some of the best places he was able to visit, most of them he encountered by accident. And when he says things like “you would have enjoyed the night lights” and “wait until we swim that sea” or even “I’d love to go back there with you, someday,” Doyoung merely smiles to himself because he actually envisions them happening in their future.

On the fifth round, Jaehyun glances around the room in search of something. Doyoung notices this so he inquires, “What is it?”

“Do you have speakers? Can I connect my phone to it? I made a playlist of songs that remind me of you,” the boy replies unabashedly, nonchalantly, like it doesn't make Doyoung's heart race. Doyoung wonders just how much they have changed in the last two years. He moves closer to Jaehyun and extends his hand out wordlessly, grabbing the boy's phone and connecting it to the surround-sound system he splurged his first paycheck on. He doesn't move back to the other side of the couch. They continue like that - close enough that their shoulders and thighs brush against each other every now and then - until they are both drunk enough and fucked up enough.

When Jaehyun hears the first few bars of the specific [song](https://open.spotify.com/track/4kf33kU0KAlkNBK9pNbYNU?si=txLCqZDzTmGbWngHooMk1A) he had been waiting for envelope the whole room, he determines that it's time. Gulping back the last few drops of their sixth and final bottle, he shuffles to stand in front of the obviously buzzed Doyoung. Their bodies weren't the same as they were two years ago, not as resistant to the effects of soju.

He looks at Doyoung's confused form and breathes out, "Dance with me."

Doyoung accepts without hesitation.

He can feel more than see Jaehyun gather him into his arms, swaying slowly, careful and sweet. And for the first time since he came back to their hometown, Doyoung feels at home. Jaehyun smells like home.

Jaehyun is Doyoung's home.

“You know, I learned how to play this in the guitar and piano. It's for when I finally get the courage to confess or something,” Jaehyun breathes into Doyoung’s ear.

Doyoung hums in response, snuggling his lithe body closer to Jaehyun’s warmth.

For the rest of the song, Jaehyun whispers the lyrics so carefully, like he's afraid it’s going to be swept away by the current, the wind, the air. It feels so intimate that Doyoung feels like his chest is going to burst any second now.

Maybe this time, it won’t be toxic and childish. Maybe this time, they’ll learn from their mistakes. Maybe this time, they will be allowed to share the right love at the right time.

And Doyoung knows in his heart that it’s the right time, “There’s actually one more secret I haven’t told you,” he voices out in equal tenderness.

Jaehyun pulls back just enough to look at him, pure and unadulterated adoration on his face and Doyoung's quite sure that it’s the same for him. “Go on,” Jaehyun urges.

“I said yes when you asked to come over tonight because I missed you.”

Jaehyun cups his face, right by the jaw, thumbs gliding over whatever part of his face they could reach. “I also have one last secret, Doie,” he pauses for dramatic effect. Leaning in, lips ghosting over the older’s own, he exhales, “I came back because I’m still in love with you.”

Doyoung isn’t too sure who finally closes the gap. And it doesn’t matter because throughout the evening, he knows that the both of them had been anticipating this.

They’ve been wanting it for so long that they thought their first kiss would be rough and hurried but it surprisingly isn’t. Instead, the kiss is soft and gentle, almost like they are melting into each other while everything around them falls into place. It isn’t as explicit as they'd imagined, but it manages to deliver how the both of them feels right in that moment.

Their love for each other overflowing with just the right amount.

Even the moment they part from the kiss feels right. Doyoung pulls away and holds Jaehyun’s face in his hands, looking at him with wide, clear eyes as he grins. The latter smiles back, dimples poking his cheeks.

“I love you,” Doyoung says, almost like he's in a dream. Saying it now feels so different than when he did two years ago.

Being apart for two years made them realize how their world doesn't have to revolve around each other, how it doesn’t have to revolve around anyone at all. They learned that they can stand by themselves, that they had to grow individually first. They learned that they can live without the other. But they choose not to, because now that everything feels right, they choose to be happy together.  
  
—

Doyoung is the first to wake up the morning after. He’s actually expecting to get a hangover from all the alcohol they consumed last night but it doesn't come. All he feels is peace and comfort as Jaehyun’s warm body presses against his, the younger’s arm wrapped around his waist. He pulls him closer and his heart melts when Jaehyun holds onto him tighter, nuzzling into Doyoung’s chest, half-asleep.

He outlines the younger’s face as he watches him doze off, tucking some of the younger’s hair in his ear before he continues to caress his cheeks. It still feels like a dream, having Jaehyun this close to him.

Doyoung’s left arm is numb under Jaehyun’s body as he feels the latter stir awake. He hears Jaehyun grunt, burrying himself further in Doyoung’s embrace.

“What time is it?”

“It’s almost 9, I think?” Doyoung deduces. He hasn’t moved since he woke up so he couldn’t grab his phone on the nightstand. He didn’t want to risk waking Jaehyun in the process.

“Want me to cook breakfast?” Doyoung continues when he didn’t hear any reply. That earns him another grunt as Jaehyun swings his legs over Doyoung’s, trapping him.

“Can’t we just stay here forever? My head hurts so much.”

Doyoung laughs, internally cooing at how cute Jaehyun is being right now.

“You big baby. I guess that means I have better alcohol tolerance than you, babe,” he teases, patting the younger’s head, as if that’ll take the pain away.

Jaehyun looks up with a challenging stare. Of course, he wasn't going to let Doyoung have the last laugh, “But I have you. So who’s the real winner here, _ babe._” 

“Oh, Jaehyunnie. I won the title and you,” and with that, Doyoung knows the boy doesn’t have any more comebacks. However, Jaehyun is a stubborn kid through and through and Doyoung notices the way his boyfriend’s eyebrows meet, thinking hard.

Huh, _ boyfriend. _That has a really nice ring to it. He pushes his index finger in between _ his boyfriend’s _furrowed brows, interrupting his thoughts.

“Let it go, Jae. I’m making you breakfast. Michelin 5-star worthy, only for my boyfriend,” he smiles, as his hand makes its way yet again to the latter’s cheeks.

“Fine,” Jaehyun pouts, a small blush dancing peach across his skin, “But 15 more minutes, please.”

Doyoung kisses Jaehyun to oblivion.

**Author's Note:**

> we made a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/jeaselalucyn/playlist/2KIutIretUudyUVZMBkKP1?si=sh0lN_lJT7KX2V2ygNvbnQ) of all the songs we listened to throughout the 2 days we wrote this.
> 
> find us on twitter [here](http://m.twitter.com/donsjae) & [here](http://m.twitter.com/jjaedoyu).
> 
> comments and kudos are vv much appreciated ♡


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